Episode 3: I need an idol like a frat boy needs beer

[Marissa]

Pretending that this tribe is two duos (me/Zaid, Ethan/Leanna) with Carson in the middle, rather than a 4-person alliance with me on the outs, is what helps me sleep at night

[Ben]

Would love a beer right now 👀

[Marissa]

BEN IS HERE <3 the people in this VL are getting me through each day on this tribe lol

[Marissa]

I have a new game plan if we lose the next challenge. The Four are obsessed with sticking together (according to Zaid, and just my own reads on their personalities, especially Ethan's). Ugh.

*If* we lose, I'm still considering my accidentally-messaging-the-tribe-chat-hinting-at-idol-relief idea, but I think the most feasible course of action would be radio silence the night we get challenge results. They are already extremely paranoid (especially Ethan) that I have an idol. If I do relatively nothing the night we lose the challenge, they'll be shaking more than they would if I told someone I had an idol or asked to call everyone immediately or scrambled.

Because HOW could someone be so nonchalant and disinterested and go silent after losing a challenge? They're either gonna think I'm literally giving up on the game (never), OR they're gonna get suspicious and their worst fears about my "idol" will be all but confirmed.

Zaid told me that Ethan has already brought up possibly splitting the votes in case I have an idol, and if Zaid could say to Carson, "Look, Ethan told me he wants to split the votes, and who do you think he'd throw his vote on -- it wouldn't be Leanna..." that could make Carson frustrated enough to make a move.

I'm feeling bad about the fact that I haven't been delivering on the strategy front -- like I haven't been a central force on my tribe, I apparently didn't make the relationships to rein people in on day 2 when the alliance popped up (except for Zaid and Manik), and like I know I've failed to get people to want to work with me, which is the ultimate task in Survivor. (Even though the alliance was formed on the most arbitrary basis.) I just don't want to disappoint myself or feel stupid.

But at this point I think the way to cockroach myself out of the tricky spot I'm in is to NOT over-strategize. I can only spill so much and beg someone for an alliance so much before it reeks of desperation, and again what incentive do any of them have to budge? They're comfortable. Recognizing people's incentives is critical, which is why I'm trying to put all my energy into Carson, because he's the only one who could stand to benefit from ditching the alliance (i.e., splitting up Ethan/Leanna).

So I think my only way to survive this tribe is to go ghost if we lose and mess with their minds and scare them enough to split the vote, and that's where me and Zaid (and maybe Carson) could potentially work some magic.

[Marissa]

Round 3 rant
Warning: I am not exactly friendly & charming here, if you are a player seeing this post-season proceed at your own risk

[Marissa]

Leanna is clearly lying to me and trying to make me feel comfortable so that I don’t play an idol if we lose the challenge. She called me after the comp and said “I don’t want to see you go, I’m not gonna let that happen,” and I’m sitting there like....suure lol.

I was the first person to drop out of the challenge too, and it was a weakest link challenge so then we were done. Ugh. As if I couldn’t dig my grave any deeper!! My cups were not even shaking the whole time, I just had a random jerk where the top cup flew off. I’m so mad at myself.

But once again, I didn’t ruin a good thing, I would be on the chopping block even if someone else dropped first and I was the steadiest person in the challenge. That’s just the fact of the matter.

Zaid told me that Leanna is gonna propose a fake alliance to me to make me feel included enough so that I don’t play my “idol.” Again, this tribe is taking me for a fool. I’ve been telling Leanna since our first call on day 2 that I wanna work with her, and a week later after zero strategy talk you’re gonna randomly add me to a 3-person chat (when we all know everyone loves unanimous votes so we’d obviously need 4 anyway)? I’m not gonna play dumb any longer. I’m gonna be candid and tell them I know I’m on the outs and I know I’m going home and that’s okay, and make them as uncomfortable as possible.

[Marissa]

The Four sat on call after challenge results (we lost, surprise) and said they want to just tell me it's me so that they don't waste my time (aka they don't want to waste *their* time making up an alternate story, just like they waited until the last minute to talk to Manik round 1 because they were scared and didn't know what to tell him, LMFAO). The clownery!

I asked Ethan to call tonight, and he said "Let's talk early tomorrow afternoon instead, and get our Starbucks coffees together then" -- LOL, pushing me aside until the last minute! How am I supposed to get through to these people when they refuse to call me?? No Ethan, I'm not gonna sip the Chestnut Praline Latte you recommended I get while sitting on call with you when you're about to vote me out. I might throw up my drink.

I'm not just gonna give up. I tried for the Case 1 and Case 3 idols but I didn't find either of them. What am I gonna do? Operation Galaxy Brain: messaging the tribe chat "on accident" so they get even more paranoid that I have an idol? I doubt that would fool them, and Zaid says he's tired of scheming.

Manik got in trouble with them for "backing them into a corner" round 1 by throwing out other names and pitching ideas *when he knew was in trouble*, so I'm just at a loss right now. Everyone knows we're about to swap, so there's no incentive for them to shake up the status quo and break the unified four. So I need to GIVE them an incentive.

I remember a production member in my last game wrote in that VL something like, "If they have no incentive to work with you, you need to incentivize them!" (about me lol). Not sure how I'm gonna do that here. My best bet is to tell them that Ethan has been throwing them under the bus and telling me someone said my name round 1/someone said that I was the decoy vote given to Manik round 1.

I'm gonna do my best.

[Marissa]

We're gonna need a clean-up on aisle 4, because (as I said from night 1), this tribe is a ~M E S S~!

Ethanna (credit to Zaid for their Riverdale-esque duo name) essentially told me I'm going home tomorrow, and Ethan still refuses to call me tonight even though he's been calling and chatting a lot with others. I get it, you don't know what to say to me and you're *scared* to talk to me -- and that's my problem how? I'm still trying to play here.

At one point, based on the flow of our conversation, I felt the need to say "I didn't mean to put pressure on you to call tonight." I can't believe I said that! He told me I'm the vote, and here I am apologizing for asking to call.

Anyway--
Around 10pm, Carson messaged the tribe chat, "Can Ethan and Leanna hop off my dick? Sorry I have a life and they're watching Schitt's Creek," which he meant to send to his prod chat.

Carson had already expressed to me that he doesn't like it when people are super anal about how quickly you respond. And Zaid told me that it's not fake, and I'm inclined to believe that he wouldn't lie to me about that. But a small part of me is like...if this is all some elaborate scheme to give me false hope/make me feel safe before I get voted out, at Final 16, then that's actually psychotic and not ok. (Yes, I was contemplating messaging the tribe chat as a fake-out, but that would've been a last-ditch effort to save myself, that's different.)

But...if this is real, this could be my "in" with Carson and Zaid. Leanna called and vented to me about how disrespected she felt, and she told me that Carson and **Zaid** were the ones targeting me round 1, LOL.

Meanwhile, Carson called me tonight after the tribe chat issue and told me that it's been Ethan and Leanna going after me and making the decisions (which was already my assessment). And he created an alliance chat with me and Zaid.

So I now may have a 5% chance of surviving this tribe...regardless of whether it was a real mistake or a fake scheme, this tribe is a dumpster fire!

[Marissa]

I won’t be surprised if I go home tonight, but also good luck to Carson ending up on a swap tribe with Ethan and/or Leanna because that relationship is no longer sunshine and rainbows after last night. Zaid and I pleaded our case to Carson as best we could, telling him that Leanna said she’s not going to protect Carson in a swap even if The Four remain loyal at tonight’s vote, etc etc. No matter how the votes shake out tonight, there is no more “unanimity” on this tribe, and he needs to recognize that. I hope for my sake that he stops playing scared.