Confessional - Round 6 (mostly gushing about Roy <3)
Dec 3, 2020 6:33:56 GMT
Melody, Chase, and 4 more like this
Post by Zaid on Dec 3, 2020 6:33:56 GMT
Hello friends. Here's an exclusive ~ written ~ confessional. So Brenden won individual immunity, barely beating me. This wasn't ideal because the four - Carson, Roy, Danielle, and I - was going to probably split votes between him and Dusty to counter another idol (which Dusty may very well have). But now we can't do that. There's certainly a risk that Roy or Danielle (or even Carson) pull something shady and put a vote or two on me. Brenden doesn't feel great about Carson and might plant a vote on him. Who knows how it'll shake out.
Strangely enough, for the first time in this game, I feel an overwhelming sense of peace. I just had a 2 hour long call with Roy, and it was the most positive interaction I've had with someone in this game yet. Roy is an amazing person to have a dialogue with. He's so cool, calm, and collected to a degree where I genuinely forgot about the game during our call. We talked about racial identities and how being a POC factors into a social strategy game like this. We discussed his extensive experience in the ORG community and how it's almost like an after school club where you obtain a sense of purpose by playing with fellow nerds and mentally engaging yourself. We even pined over Tiffany Pollard and re-enacted Dusty's iconic idol play from last Tribal. It spanned the gamut. My biggest takeaway from this conversation is that I may have to a degree been overestimating how much my race factors into this game. I came in with a giant chip on my shoulder that stemmed from a very valid point of concern that Survivor is skewed against POCs (worsened by immediately having to vote out Manik) . However, to see Roy embrace his identity with such aplomb and hear about his successful experiences in games like this gave me hope. I think this fear I've carried of being singled out on the basis of my race has had the risk of being a self-fulfilling prophecy: it can affect my behavior in a way that turns people off from interacting with me. I think that's precisely why some of my white tribe mates didn't understand my reaction to the Manik vote. So maybe instead, I should take a page from Roy's book and channel some of his unabashed self-assuredness, a steady, practical mental state that acknowledges "hey, something whack might totally happen to me, but I've done my best with the skills I possess."
Essentially, Roy could stab me in the back and I'd be ok with it. I owe a lot to him for so generously offering practical advice on how to navigate an ORG like this and find some peace with my identity. He wasn't obligated to take time to discuss a deep-rooted issue that was bothering me, and yet he still did. It's something I will carry with me even post-game. Thank you for casting us on the same season and allowing me to meet him. It was exactly what I needed.
As far as game plan for Tribal goes, updates to come later.
Strangely enough, for the first time in this game, I feel an overwhelming sense of peace. I just had a 2 hour long call with Roy, and it was the most positive interaction I've had with someone in this game yet. Roy is an amazing person to have a dialogue with. He's so cool, calm, and collected to a degree where I genuinely forgot about the game during our call. We talked about racial identities and how being a POC factors into a social strategy game like this. We discussed his extensive experience in the ORG community and how it's almost like an after school club where you obtain a sense of purpose by playing with fellow nerds and mentally engaging yourself. We even pined over Tiffany Pollard and re-enacted Dusty's iconic idol play from last Tribal. It spanned the gamut. My biggest takeaway from this conversation is that I may have to a degree been overestimating how much my race factors into this game. I came in with a giant chip on my shoulder that stemmed from a very valid point of concern that Survivor is skewed against POCs (worsened by immediately having to vote out Manik) . However, to see Roy embrace his identity with such aplomb and hear about his successful experiences in games like this gave me hope. I think this fear I've carried of being singled out on the basis of my race has had the risk of being a self-fulfilling prophecy: it can affect my behavior in a way that turns people off from interacting with me. I think that's precisely why some of my white tribe mates didn't understand my reaction to the Manik vote. So maybe instead, I should take a page from Roy's book and channel some of his unabashed self-assuredness, a steady, practical mental state that acknowledges "hey, something whack might totally happen to me, but I've done my best with the skills I possess."
Essentially, Roy could stab me in the back and I'd be ok with it. I owe a lot to him for so generously offering practical advice on how to navigate an ORG like this and find some peace with my identity. He wasn't obligated to take time to discuss a deep-rooted issue that was bothering me, and yet he still did. It's something I will carry with me even post-game. Thank you for casting us on the same season and allowing me to meet him. It was exactly what I needed.
As far as game plan for Tribal goes, updates to come later.