Episode 10: At least I’m not the only villain anymore

[Marissa]

Post-TC ramble:

I felt like I had so much dirt on my hands (and on my name) after the first two rounds of merge, but after this last round (when Abby went home), I’m not alone anymore. Pretty much everyone else (Carson/Zaid/Juju/Louise) got dirt on their hands by lying to Abby/Roy/Danielle, so I might still be considered the snake/rat of the season, but I have company now! At least a little bit? I felt like I was doing other people’s dirty work a bit (especially the round Brenden went home), but now other people did my dirty work for a round, and it’s a nice change.

[Marissa]

Okayyy so it’s F7 and I think it’s time to map out a potential path to the end for me here. Although we all know that it’s gonna be an *ugly* FTC regardless of who’s there (looks at Lee and Abby). I really go back and forth on what to do because I honestly don’t see myself winning in many or any scenarios, LOL, Lee and Abby hate me but let’s continue:

7: Roy or Danielle has to go, whoever doesn’t win immunity. Apparently Abby LOVES Danielle now after dragging her and calling her a goat at F10 (so Lee and Brenden will love her too, bc yeah unfortunately that’s how juries work). I might even wager that Danielle is a bigger winner threat than Roy at this point; who would’ve thought... But yeah, they haven’t had to burn anyone; Brenden and Lee can’t feel too butt hurt at either of them which is dangerous.
6: Roy or Danielle (whoever didn’t go the previous round) has to go.
5: This is where it gets funky. I’d say Zaid or Louise has to go. I need to have at least one of Juju/Zaid on the jury to advocate (hopefully?) for my game, or at least reveal the truth about my close relationship with Juju and the things I did with that.
4: Zaid or Louise goes. Louise downplays her threat level but I know Lee messaged her that she would get his jury vote, just like he said to Danielle apparently.
F3: Me, Juju, and Carson?? Maybe?? Probably still a bad idea hehe, but like I’ve gotta try something.. Zaid has been seen as the strategic one in our purple trio, but at least I’ve had the opportunity to work without Zaid (on swap) and around Zaid (with Juju/Louise), whereas I don’t think Carson has had that since we left OG Ealing.

I think my ‘emotional weakness/inability to handle setbacks or confrontation’ is a flaw that people perceive in my game. Like when Lee attacked me in the tribe chat, I didn’t get on call with the yellow/purple six and I told them I needed a breather. That’s one of a few anecdotes. I don’t take things in stride the way Juju and Louise have, for instance. Even Zaid and Juju have noticed that I get too defeated, and Juju told Zaid he didn’t want to tell me I was the vote last round for that very reason.

I need to take some time this weekend to (a) call everyone and just touch base, and (b) remedy that perception a bit. I think it’ll be good to show that I’m truly unconcerned with being targeted last round. (And I legit told Juju I wanted to get the votes. When he was telling me, “I don’t even want you getting votes,” which was sweet of him, I pushed back.) I think the ending of last round/beginning of this round will be a good opportunity for me to show a braver or more easygoing side of myself. And again, this last vote gave me the opportunity to keep my hands mostly clean for once because I wanted to balance out how much I had to play people the first two rounds of merge.

[Marissa]

So I called with everyone this weekend, and I told Roy and Danielle that I'm totally unconcerned about getting votes last round and that there's no resentment.

Here's the problem:
I was not left out of the Abby vote (I mean I've had Abby's name in my mouth since we merged), but the way Louise has been presenting the story post-tribal, it looks to Roy and Danielle like I was left out of the *planning* of the vote. Which, optics-wise, is really not great for me.

Instead of telling the truth, Louise made it seem like her/Carson/Zaid decided as a trio to go against Roy/Danielle's wishes and vote for Abby, while me and Juju were just off on an island of our own while the game was playing around us. So the "story" is that I was in trouble, but people didn't even alert me that my name was out there or include me in the planning. (In truth, everyone warned me there were people after me, and I was part of the planning process with Juju/Louise/Carson/Zaid.) Ummm, that's a terrible look for me. And I'm not happy about it.

Yes, I can reveal the truth and show all my cards at the end of the game (if I make it there), but too often, perception IS reality to these people, and people's perception of you can run away from you without you being able to catch up to it.

Louise is framing her reasoning as, "I wanted to protect you and Juju and keep your names out of it." Well OK, that's nice, but why did I need "protection" from being part of the plan to vote for Abby when I've been wanting to vote out Abby since merge? And why would I need to be "protected" from Roy and Danielle's anger when they were gunning for me anyway, and I was the person they would've been the *least* mad at afterwards?

I think Louise is trying to make Juju and I look dumb and make it appear that she's the one making moves while Juju and I are just along for the ride. Yes, Louise is getting dirt on her right now, but at the end of the day, last round will be seen as "her move," and that's what counts. Meanwhile, it now looks like the game is being played around me.

I considered telling Roy and Danielle the truth about what happened last round (bc why tf am I lying for someone when the lie just makes me look stupid), but then Louise won immunity, and with Roy feeling on the outs, he could've easily ratted me out in order to save himself.

If Louise doesn't win the next comp, I think she needs to go next, not Danielle. Danielle seems pretty mad at Louise so we may be able to use that to our advantage. If Roy goes home tonight and Louise wins immunity again, I'll have some serious thinking to do.