Episode 2: #JusticeforManik

[Marissa]

Yay! I did the requisite butt-kissing and avoided elimination! Manik refused to vote for me, he was too pure for this game, sending him all the love. Also, I guess Zaid and I are besties now!

But I am obviously the next boot the next time we lose a challenge. I'm gonna see what magic I can work the next few days but the thing is, I've called each person each day of the game, which I didn't even do during my last game. And yet according to Zaid, the Terrible Trio (I don't wanna keep typing Ethan/Leanna/Carson) still says they don't talk to me much. Well of course, I wasn't part of your 3-hour call the night we lost the challenge.

What's tricky is, I don't know how to organically approach strategic conversations with any of them anymore, because I obviously know that they're in a secret chat and have already forced me to the outs. During early-game there is nothing people love more than finding numbers and sticking to them like Krazy Glue. I think the key for me will be to appeal to the middle man, which seems to be Carson here. Zaid had said before that Carson was becoming wary of Leanna and Ethan as a duo, but the problem is, I think Carson will correctly assume that a 4-1 vote on me is better for everyone moving into a potential swap than a 3-2 vote with an alienated tribe member. I need to boost my relationship with him to the point where he would want to flip *for me* (not for Zaid, because Zaid can influence but at the end of the day I'm the one who'll need saving), which might be a tall order.

Ethan is CALCULATED AS HELL, I'm not touching him with a ten foot pole. He had mentioned on a call the night we lost that he had heard my name (as being "less active") from someone but he didn't remember who. I lowkey want to ask him now who it was just to see what he says. He can't blame it on Manik, because he knows that Manik was creating alliance chats with me and was expecting me to vote with him. So I wonder what he would say! He put himself into a trap if I choose to bring it up again in an effort to figure out "the person who was after me." I want to see him squirm. But for now I'll continue acting like an innocent girl who is dumber than a box of rocks and believes the tribe is unified.

[Marissa]

I made a ROOKIE MISTAKE and sent a little confessional message (which was unfortunately my trademark shit-talking, too bad I'm not a nicer girl) to the *tribe chat* instead of my prod chat. I -- ... My game has already been a mess so far, I am fully aware of that and own that. I also know that when it comes to tribe rankings I'm at the bottom, and that's fine (ish). For me it's about surviving to a swap now and hoping for new life.

I removed the message immediately but Zaid told me people either saw it or at least saw the preview/notification which of course they did. Essentially it was a GIF of queen Zendaya kind of rolling her eyes which I captioned "When Ethan says he's "sad and empty" about voting out Manik." (It's round one, don't tell me you're empty inside about voting someone out, geez louise. It's a bad look for me, I know, but the assessment was spot-on, stop laying it on thick.) I think I need to work on keeping my thoughts to myself instead of my prod chat just to be safe, which is gonna be hard for me lol.

I spent last night crying about my mistake and feeling sorry for myself and freaking out, but today I'm gonna put on my big girl pants and get to work. The "good" news is that it's not like I ruined a good thing -- I was already at the bottom. The only way to go, still, is up (or out), I just now have a slightly deeper hole to claw my way out of.

I'm planning to call with everyone today (even though it's an off-day, catch me being *active* guys!!). Seeing as I know that they saw it and talked to each other about it, regardless of whether anyone brings up the deleted message to me (I doubt they will), I'm just gonna pre-empt them on call. I'm gonna tell them that I felt bad about voting Manik out but I felt like he was tanking my game by adding me to alliance chats I didn't give permission for beforehand.

I'm gonna say that I felt like we were being associated together and I didn't even want to work with him, he just called me right away the night we got challenge results, and I really want to work with [insert your name] instead. I'm gonna lay it on really thick so that it seems like the bitchy Zendaya GIF/message (which I'm not going to bring up) was essentially about me not being at all sad that Manik was gone, and so they'll think I was sending a bitchy prod message because I didn't agree when people said they felt so sad about voting him out. Better to act like a Mean Girl towards someone out of the game than a player currently in the game (sorry Manik <3).

It's a long shot, but Zaid keeps trying to help me and I really think he wants to work with me or he wouldn't even be dealing with the dumpster fire that is me and all my now-glaring mistakes. I wouldn't waste time helping to clean up someone's messes if I didn't want to work with them in the future. I need to use this lowkey day to focus on building up my relationships with Leanna and particularly Carson.

At some point (not before the next challenge certainly), I might need to bring up that Ethan told me someone was saying my name the first round, but either that he wouldn't tell me who (which is the truth), or that Carson or Leanna said it. That's the only nugget I have that might show people that Ethan is playing hard and is gonna be a mess for them to deal with down the line.

I need to use that to make Leanna think that Ethan is gonna be bad for her game. I know from sporadically viewing Havoc S3 (which she played; I played S1) that Leanna was voted out 10th because people saw her as the ringleader of her group and so she might want to be playing a more UTR game this time to correct for that, so I need to subtly scare her into thinking that's what's gonna happen again if she sticks with Ethan. I have to be like "Don't worry girl I know it wasn't you, I trust you, but it was scary to hear about and I really just hope we can work together," blah blah.

[Marissa]

Another update because ever since The Incident I'm way too paranoid to type in my "prod chat" again--

Ethan told me that he heard I was hunting for the idol with Manik, and I asked who he heard it from and he said "I don't remember, it was two days ago"-- BRUH lmfao, the messiness! (I am well aware I don't have a leg to stand on there, my prod chat/tribe chat error will always be grossly unfortunate.) I still remember the memory sequences from the challenge three days ago, but you don't remember who told you something on a tribe of 6 people? (And he's obviously excluding himself, and obviously it wasn't me or Manik who told him, so that only leaves three...)

What's also funny is that people keep telling me (calculated bits of) new information -- "I heard xyz about you" -- and I keep pointing out that those are things I didn't hear...so...do you expect me to not deduce that I'm on the outside of a power structure that indeed exists? For instance Leanna told me that she heard Manik was creating or proposing a bunch of alliance chats from which she was the only one excluded, and that all of them included me. That might be exaggeration, but regardless, I told her, "Wow I hadn't heard about those, I didn't even hear from Manik himself that I was part of proposed alliances. You seem to be getting more intel than I am." Like...hello? But yes I believe our tribe is so unified, let's have a tribe slumber party and make smores omigosh I love us.

I'm getting a weird feeling that Zaid is tight with Ethan. Maybe I'm just paranoid which is on-brand rn but I'm catching a vibe whether it's true or false. All I can do is keep collecting these nuggets of information that people keep revealing because they aren't thinking things through (or are thinking I'm super dumb) and use them to blow the lid on this tin can if we lose again. Ethan had told me someone called me inactive (again didn't specify who); before our first tribal people had told me the vote was being based on who was inactive and I was like...again, first time I'm hearing this, but keep on pretending that YOU'RE being left out of something.

[Marissa]

JUST SAW CASEY DROP A LIKE, HI QUEEN YOU MADE MY NIGHT I needed a boost

[Casey]

Omg hi queen! Playing with you was a blast but viewing you has been even better. I’m living for these confessionals!!! Sending you positive vibes❤️

[Marissa]

Challenge results are being posted soon and I'm SO SCARED (and unlike Ethan, who of course announced he was *sooo scared* on the tribe call after the geo-guesser challenge, I actually have a reason to be scared).

Zaid and I are trying to rein in Carson but it's a long shot. The good news is that Leanna was talking smack about Carson to Zaid, and she apparently told Carson that she was sketched out because Zaid didn't call with her yesterday on our off day, which Carson passed along to Zaid. So if Zaid can also tell Carson about her smack-talk and they can compare notes, it might help my case at least a little bit.

Another galaxy-brain idea I had: I've already made a blunder and sent a confessional to the tribe chat instead of my prod chat once. What if...and I'm not saying I'd do this for sure...what if, tomorrow evening sometime after the idol hunt opens, I "accidentally" send a vague confessional to the tribe chat/prod chat saying like "I'M SO RELIEVED I NEEDED THIS alsdkgl" and immediately remove it and watch people squirm. Lmao. They might not buy it, but I've made the mistake once, and it's just slightly more believable than telling someone I have the idol which they'd know is a ploy.

I know I'm in danger. If I go out, I'm not gonna go out quietly. I'm gonna tell people I know I'm on the bottom based on what Ethan/others have been telling me since round 1, and I'm gonna go out throwing everything at the wall and having fun and leaving a mess for other people to clean up.

[Marissa]

Round 2 ramble
**Edit: I am not nice in this confessional out of frustration. If you get your feelings hurt easily, please don't watch this**